I used to update my livejournal religiously. Now it's like a scant update every now and again.
But I was reading back on all the old stuff that I used to do, used to write, and used to photograph and think "Oh my god, I was so cool in high school my junior year when I would obsessively write about my life!" I went through a funk of not really wanting anyone to know what was going on with me after I got out of high school, and now I'm looking back and thinking... is being that candid really so bad?
No, I don't really think so! I mean, what harm does it do? What did I write about in the past that could possibly be so terrible? "Today I went to school and listened to some music in the art room while I threw myself against a canvas and expressed my little heart out, I love life and then I went running for two hours and took these silly pictures of me and all my friends!!!"
Since when is it bad to want to do that kind of stuff? I'm resolved to become more self-indulgent with realizing how awesome I have things and how neat and textured my existence is. :) It makes me happy to think about it, to reminisce.
I was such an emo kid in looks and photography in high school, but so happy and perky. I've lost the over the eye bangs and pretty much nothing else, and I don't think that any aspect of me in that part of my past was negative!! I took lots of pictures of myself, was 15 lbs heavier, but thought I was the prettiest girl named randimae who lived in my house and that was good enough. That's probably because I was/am :)
I don't know, there's a lot shifting back to my past since moving to Sweden, largely being my confidence in myself. I don't know where along the line I abandoned being happy with myself and confident, and outgoing not only on the outside but outgoing and uninhibited in my mind, but I'm recapturing it and I'm delighted :)
Tis time for sleep now,
good night little lovies